During this time of year, you could really feel the tension up your neck, everyone was scattered around. At the corridors, empty classes, next to their lockers. Things were different.
For me, during this time, all that I had in my mind was that 9 As, scholarships and overseas. I refused to see myself studying here in Malaysia. Wanted to do medicine btw. Was I in love with Biology. Ana uhibbu biology jiddan okay! Like for real it was my favourite subject. I bugged mummy to send me to a medicine seminar and shits like that.
So I had my dream.
However, once SPM was done, I entered a phase where I reflected on myself, how I felt about my performance in SPM and reconsidered the path I constructed all this while.
I considered Psychology (was still constricted by the science background that I had). One day, the first thing I thought was pursuing MASSCOM just like Mummy & Daddy! Mummy has always been ever supportive. She has never been the kind of parent who puts high expectations and sorta coerce you into pursuing it. She understood that I had a life of my own, she accepted my abilities and of course my limitations, and how far I could push myself.
She knew me better than I do. Wanna know why? Once I got the masscom thing all figured out, here I am all psyched up to enlighten her about the change of plans and for the first time, she disagreed. And disappointed at the same time! Haha her first remark was that there are too much masscom in a family. Second, I was wasting my potential.
She had her mum pep talk on me and then, finally, with His signs that were so clear, like literally all of a sudden I was bumping into so many people with legal background, I chose Law as my possible future.
Though things didn't work out as planned, I thought I'd be in UK by now doing something I loved. Haha. Alhamdulillah IIUM is definitely the written faith for me. Not gonna reject the stinging feeling seeing your friends going abroad, doing Medicine, you know that was the dream!
Hahaha but I'm surprised at myself for accepting it with ease. Where I am right now is possibly the best thing that has happened to me. I never really grasped the concept of believing in His faith, truthfully. It was devastating to see so many diverted things when we planned everything so passionately and confidently. But with what I am, where I'm at, and how I see things right now is all due to fact that I've finally understood the concept of faith.
And for me to accept that, I had to experience defeat by not achieving 9As, witnessing my peers flying off and seeing myself 'stuck' here. And it was worth it.
I still have the dream of studying overseas, I still desire for the ownership on an education aid without burdening Mummy. I still want that. And from here, it's a whole new journey to work on and of course a new dream changing into reality, InsyaAllah.
"Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not."
Surah Al Baqarah : 216
Bound to Gombak je,