Amid of the messed up thoughts and memories, you appear. In my mind. I am not certain if it is you, I do recognize that face, unfortunately it is so unclear as if a camera lens could not focus itself on its subject.
But still, I have this great feeling, it is you. Who else can it be?
Your presence is effortless. So smooth, so lubricated as if God applied grease to direct you to me. Does that make sense? Hahah Idk. And again so smooth that I accepted you into my life so easily.
I am transparent to you. You see me in, then out. I choose to be open to you. No, scratch that. It is never a choice. It is just something that happened. Good and bad, you are here. Ups and downs, you are here. Happy and sad, you are here. Lubricated and rough and hard, you are still here.
But throughout 2012 & 2013, I didn't see you. I sensed your presence, I felt your compassion, I tasted your loyalty and I smelled your sincerity but I just didn't see you.
You are here but you are so far away. I don't know what is the reason for me not to see you. As in really see you. Advantage is all I have taken from you. And you don't deserve that. Instead, I went searching for pearls while I had a diamond in me all along.
You are the one all along.
I don't know why you are still here though. I don't know why I am privileged enough to still have you called my friend and I don't know why I am the one chosen for you to be with.
I may have betrayed your honour. I may have betrayed your willingness to open up to me. I may have betrayed our friendship due to my mistakes and choices.
But dear friend, God is kind enough to bring me back to you I don't know why but he is the Most kind and he might see me drowning in the deep sea without you dear friend.
Thank you for these two amazing years. Words can never. Ever. Describe how pure and sacred you are. As a friend. And I'm sorry it took me 24 months to realize that.
God bless to a new year and God bless you, AAA.
My new year's post is dedicated for you.
With so much love,