"Mummy, how did you feel when Atuk died?"
"God, I felt empty. And that was when I started reminiscing his sacrifices that he took for the family and especially for me."
For this past few days, meaning since I went through the knee procedure. I've been spending the majority of my time with mummy. Since I am now immobile, I depend on her. So she's basically there if I needed to straighten my leg (earlier), if I need to take a piss etc. And she's been sleeping in my room for the past four days since the day I came back from Princecourt which was last Saturday.
It's been awhile since I last slept with mummy in her room, ya know being in SESERI and everytime I come back, it's facebook all night long lah en. So memang dah lama gak lah. But now that she's sleeping in my room (haha) , we still do the usual stuff we usually do. To talk before we put our heads to rest. Hahaha. Gosh we talk a lot.
Fyi, mummy's taking the whole week off from work. But I kinda like disagree because she's actually taking unpaid leave. And like you understand the situation kan. But I can't really do anything about because I can prepare my own food by myself. So it's hard for me and as a mum, she's worried.
Doing these things with her, ya know like watching tv together, having dinner together, etc, spending time with her makes me appreciate her more. This whole experience gives me the chance to actually see the sacrifices that she is doing for me. I'm sad that it had to take this to make me realize but I'm glad it did. Mummy has done so much for me. She has gone through so much for and because of me. She has been the best that Allah could give a mother to a child.
I love her so much and I feel like trash if I were to remember the stuff I did that probably would make her sad. She doesn't deserve anything less than a solehah daughter. To be honest, I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of what I'll become and turn into. Of course I say I'm going to take care of my mother and never neglect her when she's old. Definitely. Any child would say that, now. But I don't want to end up going against my words cause gosh, anything can happen weyh. I pray hard and I pray long that I'd never turn out to be an ungrateful daughter. Ya Allah, that would be my biggest fear.
I really, truly can't imagine my life without her. It'd just be blank. Like ploop. For now, alhamdulillah I'm grateful that I have mummy as my mummy. InsyaAllah I will keep my words and jalankan my tanggungjawab.
"Thanks for today, mummy"
"Alaa for taking care of me?"
"It's my responsibility."